When to Consider Leaving an Alcoholic Partner

Alcohol addiction is a serious medical condition that requires professional treatment, but if your partner refuses help or continues to struggle with their addiction, you may be faced with the difficult decision of whether to stay in the relationship.

Key Takeaways:

• Signs of Alcohol Addiction: If your partner can’t control their drinking, continues despite negative consequences, and engages in risky behavior, they may be struggling with alcohol use disorder.
• Challenges in the Relationship: Living with an alcoholic partner can lead to financial stress, isolation, frequent conflicts, and an imbalance in household responsibilities.
• Treatment is Possible: Alcoholism can be treated through therapy, support groups, and rehabilitation, but recovery requires the individual’s commitment.
• When to Leave: If your partner refuses treatment, or the relationship becomes toxic due to abuse, neglect, or persistent substance abuse, it may be time to reconsider the future of the relationship.

Recognizing the Signs of Alcoholism in a Partner

Understanding whether your partner is struggling with alcohol addiction can be difficult, especially in a culture where drinking is normalized. However, some of the most common signs of alcohol use disorder (AUD) include:

• Concealing or lying about drinking
• Frequent blackouts or memory loss after drinking
• Inability to control alcohol consumption
• Drinking in dangerous situations (e.g., driving under the influence)
• Neglecting responsibilities at work or home
• Relationship struggles stemming from alcohol use
• Increasing tolerance to alcohol
• Experiencing withdrawal symptoms when not drinking
• Repeated unsuccessful attempts to quit drinking

A diagnosis of alcohol use disorder is often made when two or more of the above symptoms are present, as defined by clinical criteria.

The Impact of Alcohol Addiction on Relationships

Being in a relationship with someone who has alcohol addiction can lead to a variety of challenges, including:

• Financial Strain: Alcohol may take priority over household needs, leading to unpaid bills or financial instability.
• Increased Responsibilities: You may find yourself managing most household chores and responsibilities because your partner is either intoxicated or recovering from the effects of alcohol.
• Emotional and Physical Toll: Constant worry, arguments, and emotional exhaustion can strain your mental and physical health.
• Neglect of Family and Social Life: Alcoholism may lead your partner to withdraw from family activities or neglect important family responsibilities.
• Risk of Domestic Violence: In some cases, alcohol addiction can increase the likelihood of violence within the relationship.

Can an Alcoholic Partner Change?

Yes, people struggling with alcohol addiction can recover with the right treatment. Alcoholism is recognized as a medical condition, and recovery is possible through consistent treatment and support. However, change requires a strong commitment from the person struggling with addiction. In fact, studies show that many individuals can successfully recover from alcohol addiction within a year of treatment, especially when they are actively involved in their recovery and supported by family.

Encouraging Your Partner to Seek Help

Although it’s challenging, encouraging your partner to seek help is important. As a spouse or significant other, you can be a crucial source of support. Approach the conversation with love, care, and concern, explaining how their drinking is affecting both them and the relationship.

However, be prepared for resistance, especially if your partner is in denial. It’s common for alcoholics to minimize or deny the issue. Be calm, patient, and clear about how their drinking has impacted your life and your relationship. Offer support in seeking professional help, such as counseling, therapy, or attending support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).

Should I Stop Drinking if My Partner is an Alcoholic?

If your partner is struggling with alcoholism, it may be beneficial for you to stop drinking as well. Drinking in moderation while living with an alcoholic can complicate their recovery and make it harder for them to quit. If your partner sees you drinking, they may feel justified in continuing their behavior, potentially triggering a relapse. For the sake of their recovery, it’s important to be a supportive and understanding partner, which may mean refraining from drinking in front of them.

When Is It Time to Leave the Relationship?

The decision to stay or leave is never easy, especially when addiction is involved. Fear of loneliness or the impact on children can make it hard to consider separation. However, staying in an unhealthy relationship can cause further emotional damage and put you at risk.

If your partner is actively seeking help and committed to recovery, staying and supporting them may be the best option. However, if your partner is refusing treatment, lying, or engaging in abusive behavior, leaving the relationship may be necessary for your well-being.

You may need to set boundaries and give your partner an ultimatum—seeking treatment or ending the relationship. If you’ve offered support, suggested treatment, and given them the opportunity to seek help, but they continue to resist, leaving might be the best option for your mental and emotional health.

Seeking Support

If you’re facing challenges in your relationship with an alcoholic partner, support is available. Al-Anon, a support group for friends and family members of alcoholics, offers guidance from others who understand your struggles.

If your partner is ready for treatment, The Recovery Village Indianapolis provides expert care for alcohol addiction, with individualized treatment plans that address both substance use and co-occurring mental health conditions. Family involvement is key in the recovery process, and we are here to support both you and your loved one in achieving a healthier future.

Reach out to us today to discuss how we can help your partner find recovery and healing.